Questions and Answers

How do I get a guy to stop being nice to me?

Depends on why he’s being nice, I suppose.

For example, perhaps he doesn’t care about you. Screaming “WHORE!” into a woman’s spittle-flecked, wide-eyed face while filling her ass with cum and strangling her with a shoelace is hard work, and it’s possible you just aren’t worth the effort. You could try being prettier or smarter or something, but what are the chances of that working, right?

Maybe you seem too good, and he cares too much. He could be fully capable of bouncing you off a few walls before he bounces you on his dick, and yet refuse to do it because you don’t appear to be a whore. To quote the sage Bunk of Baltimore, “a man must have a code”; you may be outside the boundaries of his. At least this situation has some hope within it; I mean, how hard can it be to hold his hand, look deeply into his eyes, and confess to him that your head is a boiling vessel full of snakes and bullshit, and you need his cock to scrub it out?

Whatever the case, I suggest sitting him down and showing him this answer. Watch his face as he realizes that you’re not only stupid enough to ask for relationship advice from a random sadist on Tumblr, but that you’re even stupid enough to show him my response, thus ensuring that you come off as the most desperate, pathetic set of fuckholes he’s ever likely to meet.

By the time he gets to the end of this sentence, one way or the other, I’m betting he’ll never be quite as nice to you again.