Freud would say all this kinky shit you do is your mother’s fault. And though I hate Freud and his ability to blame every psychological issue on the vagina, I see a similarity between you two. So, tell me, honeycakes, what did mommy do to hurt you?

I’ll grant that his “don’t they know we’re bringing them the plague?” is the kind of line I’d love to craft, but like Freud, you suffer from a lack of imagination.

Never blame a mother for the babysitter’s handiwork; then as now, bored teenaged girls can be surprisingly perverted.