[ASIDE: I’m not sure if by “edgeplay” you mean “edgeplay”, “edging play”, or if perhaps you consider “edging play” to be “edgeplay”. Language is hard.]
Well, first, if you’re hoping you’ll find sympathy for your desire to… do that selfish thing you want to do… you’ve come to the wrong place. Two months? Your mom’s mom didn’t know where her clitoris was, grandpa fucked her like an absent-minded day-laborer just trying to do his job before hitting the showers, and yet you think two orgasm-free months amount to a struggle? Hmph. I scoff at you alongside the ghosts of your frustrated foremothers, young lady! You are hereafter scoffed!
With that said, it seems clear that something’s wrong. Not the denial, of course; you’ve just misidentified the source of the problem because, well… the denial. You could break your leg tripping over your own feet and your first thought would be to blame the denial. If your brain weren’t so fuzzy and fixated, I’m sure you would have figured it out by now.
What could it be then? I can only theorize. It might simply be that you don’t feel seen… that you don’t believe he understands what he’s putting you through. It’s hard for even the most determined masochist to bravely carry on when she doesn’t sense that someone is counting the emotional cost she’s incurring.
My question would be: have you said “hate” to him? Have you given him that honest assessment of where the journey has taken you? ‘Cause let’s be clear: if you hate not just the kink but the entirety of your sexual intimacy, you’re this close to hating him. Do you think he cares?
To be specific, it’s the “make him listen honestly” that concerns me. That’s the thing, right there. Even in the most extreme of relationships, that’s the one thing you should be able to count on. That’s the lighthouse your itty-bitty mental dinghy can navigate toward in the worst of emotional storms. “When I’m under stress or duress, for just as long as it takes for me to speak my piece, he’ll listen like a fucking person.”
If you don’t have that, baby, you’ve got problems infinitely bigger than the no-satisfaction you can’t get.