Talking, teasing, manipulating, debating, and delighting
Will you pick me, yet? 🙊
Well, you’re cute and stubbornly patient, which are two qualities I prize. You might merit a beard-encounter on that basis.
But “princess”? 🙄 Keep your ambitions in check, child… you’ve got a much better shot at “chamber pot”.
You’re first up, and as a reward for eagerness, you’re set to receive my Deluxe Touching Package, which includes everything in the Standard Package, with amazing extras like nuzzling, heated groping, and a violent outburst of my choosing, followed by an evening of—
Oh, wait… I see. You didn’t agree to the terms of service. What a shame.
Back of the line, fuck-up.
Tadaa!
—————————-
Aw, look at the helpful anon. And that, ladies, is service.
Her: Hey now… I’m not nothing… I’m a trashcan
Me: That’s true. Trashcans are handy to have around.
Her: I’m the handiest trashcan you’ll ever meet
Me: You make a pretty good toilet, too.
There you go, thinking outside the box again. Which suggests you should actually spend some time in a box.
Say, a sturdy, wooden box in the corner, with a couple doilies and a nice houseplant on top… maybe a couple holes drilled in the side, just so you can, I dunno, breathe or whatever. While you listen to me ramble on about ancient history and lame ‘90s bands and you kick and squeak like a pissed-off mouse in a trap.
But all that aside, really, don’t be afraid of the beard, Bratty. It wants to be your friend. Your scratchy, rapidly-graying friend.
Glowbug: You’re…… mean
Me: I’m not so mean. I just like it when you’re scared and upset. I think of that as “appreciating the whole girl.”
Glowbug: That’s the nicest way of describing really super mean
I’m feeling so unmotivated lately and I don’t know how to change it.
I need to work out but I don’t want to
I need to apply for jobs but I don’t want to
I need to get organized but I don’t want to
I just want to lay on the couch and sleep forever and I don’t know how to break out of that.
Quit whining.
Shut up and go to the gym.
Shut up and send out your résumé.
Shut up and put your shit away.
Ta-da! A four step plan, just for you!
You’re alive!
I am! Oh tumbler, I’ve missed you 💕
Tumblr has missed you back, young lady.
Is it pathetic of me to say that I’ve missed your blog the most over these past few years?
Pathetic? Probably.
But pathetic things are often the most welcome.
You’re alive!
I am! Oh tumbler, I’ve missed you 💕
Tumblr has missed you back, young lady.
Ugh… Kik. I spend most of my time on an iPad, and Kik still hasn’t bothered to make their app universal. It kinda works in landscape, but it’s ultimately just a shitty, upsized iPhone app. I’m willing to keep it installed because people like @dumbbigtittedslut pester me on occasion, but the chances of a random stranger getting me to engage there are slim. Maybe if I were a member of a bunch of groups or something I’d feel differently, but as an individual user, Kik is ass. (If you’re feeling lucky, I’m bs4bg over there.)
I’ve got a Discord server set up, but to get in there, you need to either be a patron of my Patreon, or someone very interesting or useful. Are you very interesting or useful?
And of course, there’s the one thing that so many of you idiots dread: email. Based on testing, it’s the most effective route— both of my favorite guinea pigs started out that way, months before they earned iMessage privileges. (Only very good lab-rats get to make my watch go “ding”.) But please note: you’ll have to learn to inline quote like God intended… none of that lazy-ass, bottom-quoting bullshit that your parents didn’t bother to beat out of you. (You’ll have to ask for the address. Ask nicely. And it wouldn’t hurt to include a resume.)
This makes me wish I knew what inline quoting was.
Why wish when you could ask, you silly little skyscraper?
