Conversations | Bedtime Stories for Broken Girls

People asking me questions about my upcoming birthday make me sad cause I really really really do not wanna grow up.

Don’t worry so much. You’ll be at least 30 before men start actively looking past you to the newer models, and you can certainly be as infantile and self-defeating as you like in the recesses of your mind.

In your heart, you can be young forever. It’s just that eventually, the house starts to fall apart, the ceiling collapses on you, and you end up crushed under the weight of your own self-neglect.

But I’m sure you’ll always be able to find a friendly man or two to reach into the rubble and flick your clit now and then. Won’t that be nice?

the-art-of-oral:

You’re not done eating her out until she grabs you by the hair and pulls you up because she can’t handle it anymore.

That’s quitter talk.

If she can’t handle it anymore, then shit is just getting interesting.

Feedback Loops

secretprincess9312:

hisbrokenbabygirl:

secretprincess9312:

bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls:

I’m a horrid procrastinator because I’m an egregiously obsessive perfectionist with a firm grasp on reality. I frequently refuse to reply to messages, not because I don’t want to talk, but because I don’t want to spend an hour precisely articulating a response.

Interestingly, I also happen to…

Why are you so freaking adorable, mister?

It’s a ruse to lure little girls to their doom.

Seriously. His sadistic intelligence is just too good to resist!

I am not adorable. I am the pure Platonic form of tumescent, rapacious masculinity, somehow squeezed by The Elder Gods through a hole in time and space into the form of one humble, human male. So there.
Doom? I don’t know about Doom, exactly. I prefer to lure little girls to their Call of Duty.
“Seriously. His sadistic intelligence is just too good to resist.” sounds like the summary of a 5-star Amazon review. I approve.

entre-fille:

oldnakedguy:

entre-fille:

Boys don’t like me because I’d rather flirt with their fathers than them

bet the fathers like you. I know I would. Flirt with me, or better yet, have sex with me, I’m father age.

I would make fun of you for your poorly worded attempt of trying to harass me, but I cannot get over the fact that your url is oldnakedguy and therefore I do not think I have to make fun of you at all

Someone needs to.

“Have sex with me, I’m father age.”

Jesus Christ, that’s just spectacular.

Have sex with me, I’m underwater on my mortgage.
Have sex with me, my prostate is huge.
Have sex with me, my nose hair is out of control.

Priceless.

babygirl-loveslightpinkthings:

Why do I hate pubic hair on girls

I don’t know about you, but for me, a bush is something you hide behind. I prefer my girls as naked and vulnerable as possible.

My problem is that I fall in love with words, rather than actions. I fall in love with ideas and thoughts, instead of reality. And it will be the death of me.

Unknown (via punksnouis)

Every man who has ever fancied himself a writer owes his entire sexual history to this trait in women.

littlepainslut:

sotightandshiny:

littlepainslut would make a lovely puppy. More pink and plenty of pretty bows and frills: she’d be a fancy little lap dog.

Not to mention my hair would be better..

I like that you’re being catty while contemplating being a puppy.

Before you know it it’s 3 am and you’re 80 years old and you can’t remember what it was like to have 20 year old thoughts or a 10 year old heart.

This is the scariest fucking text post I’ve ever read (via fuckinq)

If it’s any consolation, most of your 20 year old thoughts will turn out to be incredibly stupid and best forgotten… but the few important ones will stick around as long as you need them.

Earlier today, my cunt actually said “Don’t be creepy, Daddy.” She might as well tell water not to be wet.