House of Darkness (2022)

There is probably no one working in mainstream media today whose artistic sensibilities are closer to mine than Neil LaBute. I’ve got some Lynch-y tendencies that he lacks, and LaBute’s only interest in laughter is making it uncomfortable, but still… nothing he does surprises me —because I share the same writerly impulses— and yet all of it satisfies me, because he pursues his impulses perfectly.

House of Darkness is nothing like LaBute’s Van Helsing TV series, for the record. Aside from the common thread of vampirism, the performances and tone and purpose are radically different.

Where Van Helsing leaned more into the populist comforts of his Nurse Betty —for all the sadism and guilt and people-eating, VH has a certain sad, sentimental sweetness to it— House of Darkness sticks to what made In The Company of Men and Your Friends & Neighbors so good… an unblinking examination of socio-sexual power and the assholes who wield it.

And turns out, Justin Long was put on this planet to speak LaBute’s dialogue… who knew? He’s a rambling, mansplaining, condescending, defensive, and deeply stupid little weasel in HoD, and he’s perfect at it. Meanwhile, Kate Bosworth shocked me with a quiet, confident, smooth performance that makes Long’s character look like a hyper-verbal puppet dancing on broken strings. I’ve seen reviews complaining about the ending, but seriously, how can you watch 87 minutes of this movie and not know what’s going to happen in that final minute? It’s inevitable from the start.

(Vampire movies with characters named Mina and Lucy aren’t there for their twists and turns.)

Next on my list is LaBute’s I-Land, which some people consider to be Netflix’s worst original series, ever. I’m actually looking forward to it, ‘cause even if it’s an utterly failed experiment, LaBute’s failures have much to teach.

bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls:

I watched Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith for the first time this week.

That was… not as bad as I’d been led to believe. Not good, mind you, but both are dramatically better than The Phantom Menace, which I dozed through in a theater back in ‘99, and couldn’t bear to rewatch via Disney+. (I’m kinda sad I’ve missed out on General Grievous for so long… I’ve gotta give Lucas’s team credit, that’s a brilliant visual design.)

Now I just need to get around to watching The Two Towers and Return of the King and I’ll have finally caught up with mid-2000s pop culture.

Two years later, and I still haven’t watched the last two LOTR movies… hell, I haven’t even made it past the first ep of The Rings of Power. I’m beginning to think Tolkien just leaves me cold.

I recently rewatched Hamilton because you posted about it and it left me wondering about your opinion on the women of the play. Could you rate them from least to most fuckable and explain why?

Okay, least to most:

• Mrs. Reynolds: ‘cause she’s a fake little bitch who probably had syphilis or something
• Angelica: she’s the most talented, but she didn’t push that whole “harem” thing hard enough
• Eliza: a pretty baby, a bit uptight… but loyal as fuck
• The Bullet: …she was the best part of West Side Story, too
• And Peggy: Anxious and ignored, while coincidentally looking just like that whore Mrs. Reynolds

hooplecxnt:

earlysummer1951:

PUMP UP THE VOLUME (1990) dir. Allan Moyle

“𝚈𝚘𝚞’𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚋𝚛𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚋𝚞𝚛𝚗, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚢 𝚐𝚞𝚝𝚜 𝚐𝚘 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚎𝚢. 𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚑, 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚎. 𝙼𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚜 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚊𝚕𝚝𝚊𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚏𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎. 𝙼𝚢 𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚐𝚞𝚝𝚜 𝚜𝚙𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚗𝚊𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎. 𝙸 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 – 𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚐𝚊𝚖𝚎.” – 𝘼𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙛𝙖𝙫𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙦𝙪𝙤𝙩𝙚 𝙛𝙧𝙤𝙢 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙢

Another quote from this movie: “Is it bigger than a baby’s arm?”

I may have watched Pump Up The Volume more than Heathers. Which is saying something.

70spostergirls:

piratetreasure:

fast times

Okay, I never fully internalized how much taller Phoebe Cates was.

Oh Jennifer Jason Leigh, you’ve just gotten retroactively hotter.

angelswouldnthelpyou:

I want to watch Fire Walk With Me on the stream so badly, but before that we’ve got to watch the first two seasons of the show itself.