Category: Questions & Answers

“Asks” from my Tumblr followers

There’s a terrible, no good, very bad episode of Law&Order: SVU with Ian McShane,…

There’s a terrible, no good, very bad episode of Law&Order: SVU with Ian McShane, that wouldn’t be suitable for you or anyone to watch given the ties between you and the actor in the minds of many young vulnerable girls. Deplorable stuff, I assume you know about it, but in case you didn’t. (S:21 E:1)

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I don’t really know anything about it, ‘cause I’ve never watched a single episode of SVU. All I know is that the Butthole Guy From Oz plays Stabler (?), Jayne Mansfield’s daughter is the lead, it features the wrong form of Ice —I prefer Cube— and Munch is still being Munch on like the 12th show… yep, that’s it, that’s all I’ve got.

But I’ve scrounged up a copy of that ep, and I’ll eventually get around to watching it.

I like a guy and so far all we have done is make brief…

I like a guy and so far all we have done is make brief moments of eye contact before I look away or smile.

I used to be the girl that always asked or initiated first, but since I accepted I’m not really that girl, I have felt more comfortable.

My question is what are ways I can reel him in or open myself up to him? I’m not sure if it’s appropriate to show my body off in front of him or try to be physically closer to him/directly flirt and speak with him. Or should I just keep smiling and acting…normal?

I haven’t really liked someone since my first boyfriend and you always have an answer for everyone, so I hope you can help me 🙂

(submitted by: softpearl)

I am totally the wrong person to answer this question, given that I am pretty exclusively interested in the “always asked or initiated” type. If a girl wants me to hear her, she can speak up. If she wants my time, she’ll beg for it. If she wants to make a sacrifice, she can strap herself to the stone.

With that said, when I was younger and less restrained, I recall enjoying the company of chicks who were instinctively comfortable when discussing sexuality. The best first-conversation I ever had was with an older woman who immediately launched into a detailed description of the rape scene in the original I Spit On Your Grave, before veering into a more general pondering of exciting perversions. I fell in love with her that day.

I had a similarly revealing —if far less momentous— talk with a younger woman a decade later. We spent a few hours on a couch, absentmindedly playing Wii Sports while she told me about her degree in criminal psychology, and we traded stories of sex crimes like sports fans debating Wilt vs. Shaq. It led to us laying out our respective kinks, which is about as naked as two people can get with their clothes on. She wanted to move upstairs, but she was going home that evening, and I’ve never been into one-time things.

So if your guy is anything like me, I guess it would help if you were to spontaneously offer him intimacy.

And if he’s not? I dunno. Smile a lot and listen intently when he talks… it’s worth a shot.

Mr Bedtime!!Finding your blog in my formative years is part of the reason I’m…

Mr Bedtime!!

Finding your blog in my formative years is part of the reason I’m here today. Thank you. Sorry if this is a long one.

After two years, my long-distance Sir has proposed putting together a contract. We have discussed commitment, expectations, and made verbal agreements in the past. We have our little rituals, but feel the need to solidify our bond, to make us both comfortable to express ourselves in our relationship and not have any crossed wires when we do go through bad moments. I’m already collared so I would like some general advice and to ask a few questions…

Do you set your girls up with contracts? (Sorry if that’s too personal, oops)

Do you personally think there is anything important to outline in a contract or agreement besides what you’d think is typical?

Should subs get the power to veto or negotiate in the early revision stages of a contract, especially when working towards a TPE dynamic?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Right up front, congrats on your progress! I’m glad to have helped get you where you want to be.

As for your questions:

  1. Nah, we don’t have contracts. The girls know my domain —everything— and what they’ll do for me— anything. Beyond that, it’s the details that are full of devils… and those are dissected as they become relevant.
  2. Um… I suppose it’s probably worthwhile to establish how the contract will be reinterpreted and renegotiated down the road. ‘Cause outside of the most basic, wedding-vow-level stuff, most contracts are going to need to evolve along with your lives.
  3. If you can’t negotiate it, it isn’t a contract… it’s a deed.

hiii Mr. Bi’ve seen you mention twin peaks a lot so i decides to…

hiii Mr. B

i’ve seen you mention twin peaks a lot so i decides to start watching it and i’ve finished the first episode. i really like it so far and i just wanted to tell you ☺️ and also say thank you because i probably wouldn’t have known about it without you <3

(submitted by: Anonymous)

There aren’t a lot of ‘80s shows —and despite premiering in April of 1990, Twin Peaks is the ultimate evolution of ‘80s television— that are evergreen. Miami Vice scaled those heights a few times, but at its best, MV was cinematic and slick and cool… in contrast, Twin Peaks was a creepy, kinky, consternating experience, every bit as cinematic, but filtered through a surrealist weirdo’s sensibilities.

I insist that Peaks be considered an ‘80s show because it didn’t change the ‘90s much. Yeah, we had Northern Exposure and The X-Files playing like distant echoes of what David Lynch and Mark Frost were doing in 1990, but for the most part, network television retreated to the comfortable mundanity of Friends and ER. It would be a long time before something as strange as Twin Peaks found its way to television again.

(Arguably, nothing really exceeded it until Twin Peaks: The Return in 2017.)

The first season is entertaining: it’s frequently funny, brutally sad, unsettlingly sexy, and infused with a “let’s see if the suits will let us get away with this” spirit. It was a soap opera with every dial turned up to 10, featuring high school prostitution, backwoods sex slavery, various and sundry murders, domestic violence, and international real estate malfeasance, all of it observed by an eye that found beauty and grace in tension and discomfort.

By season two, said suits were looking closely at the unexpected phenomenon they had on their hands, and began pushing Lynch/Frost to fix something that didn’t need fixing. To Lynch, “who killed Laura Palmer?” was a marketing gimmick, but to the network, it was a crucial question that demanded a complete and satisfying answer. (If there’s one thing Lynch avoids whenever possible, it’s providing complete satisfaction.) He was also working on future Palme d’Or winner Wild At Heart, so dealing with anyone’s bullshit was low on his list of priorities. Which resulted in an irritated Lynch providing an answer that answered very little…

…and then walking away from the show for the rest of the season. The back half of season two is a legendary train wreck that is only valuable in the way it illustrates how much impact a visionary has on base material, and what happens in that vision’s absence.

Lynch did return for the last episode, which instantly restablished the tone that made the show such a big deal in the first place. But it was a “too little, too late” thing, made worse by a WTF ending that chased away the last of Twin Peaks’ casual fans.

But as prophesied within the show’s narrative, we saw them all again, twenty-five years later, in Showtime’s Twin Peaks: The Return. Which I suspect will comfortably stand as the greatest artistic achievement on television for some time to come… it provides eighteen hours of curated dreams and nightmares, massaged by the practiced hand of Mark Frost into something that is somehow completely unexpected and frustrating and mystical and rewarding.

With all of that said, compared to Golden Age of Television stalwarts like The Wire, Breaking Bad, or even Deadwood, Twin Peaks is relentlessly inaccessible. It expects you to buy in and play along, with almost no effort put into on-boarding after the pilot… it’s more of an experience than a narrative. And given the prominence of sound design and Angelo Badalementi’s soundtrack, it isn’t friendly to modern viewing habits like muting the audio and following the subtitles. As wonderful as it is, Twin Peaks is not an easy watch.

But you owe it to yourself to try. It gives back as much as you put into it.

Oh, and Anon? You’re welcome.