Category: Questions & Answers

Do you have any kind of prioritisation between your girls? Some poly people have one “main” relationship where that person comes first

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Well, one of them has been with me for 30 years… tenure has its privileges.

But in general, the girls are all at very different places in their lives… they have unique resources and opportunities that make them more or less available/suitable in specific situations. Their collective job is to be useful, and any prioritization largely derives from their usefulness.

here’s my truth i need advice: i fucking love getting fat shamed in bed. i love being degraded in general but i have an ED so making fun of my weight makes me cum like absolutely nothing else. guys telling me i’m a fat whore, no one else wants me, i can’t control myself etc. i’m a little chubby but not actually huge, so the guys i hook up with are not necessarily super into fat girls or anything. is it crazy of me to tell my doms about this kink? i worry it’s too much, too taboo, or there’s just something super unsexy about it, but also on the other hand if they like degrading me for other shit anyway what’s the difference? how would you feel about one of your girls having such an interest? 

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Let’s start from the end and work backward.

• Body shaming is a pretty common interest, at least among my fellow travelers. I’ve definitely been with girls who have no interest in it, but at this point, I know more girls who get wet from hearing “fat pig” than those who don’t.
• How do I feel about it? Emotional masochists are just like physical masochists… it’s weird seeing something objectively cruel and hurtful transmuted via Girl Alchemy into tears, giggles, and soaked panties, but it happens. A lot. For which I am eternally grateful.
• Depending on where the dom in question is coming from, it may in fact be taboo or too much. Unless he’s monumentally stupid —and if so, why are you fucking him?— he probably long ago internalized the idea that calling a girl “fat” is a casus belli for a Bobbitting, not an express ticket to Pound Town. It takes time to tease out the distinctions between a hateful insult and an arousing exploration of the ego, and by the time he’s good enough to play those distinctions like an instrument, he’s invested more time in the process than most men want to spend. So while you shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it —you should never fear to speak your truth to someone on your team— neither should you expect an enthusiastic response. He might respect you too much for that… which is a good problem to have, generally speaking.
• Someone who is going to really dig his claws into you —who will happily cross any boundary to mock and degrade every aspect of your self— is going to fall into one of two camps: (a) those who want to speak to you, about you, in a way that makes you feel intimately perceived, and (b) those who openly dislike you and feel powerful when they talk shit to your face. Both spend a lot of time in the Cavern of You, but one’s a spelunker, while the other’s a troll… and that is the difference.
• A guy who’s “into fat girls” isn’t going to give you what you crave, no more than a “no fat chicks” guy. Both types are fixated on how your appearance makes them feel, and not on how you feel about your appearance. Your body isn’t a pudgy cudgel with which a man beats your soul… it’s a sturdy lever he uses to crack you open and feast on your insides. Be a clam, not a target.
• If you pick the right man, yes, your issues with food will be like your issues with your parents, your church, that one mean girl in middle school, the ex-boyfriend who raped you, your touchy-feely gymnastics coach, or your boundary-pushing boss… just another tool he can use to further understand and manipulate your mind.
• If you pick the wrong man, well… look the fuck out. There won’t be much left of you when he’s done.

Not a question. Just love your writing and your answers and your eloquence. I love reading your stuff.

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Thank you, nice person!

The blog kind of took on a life of its own at some point, leading to a weird sex cult bursting from its head like Athena from Zeus… but back at the start, it was just about turning unpalatable, unspeakable thoughts into delicious, intriguing sentences. And I’m happy that it continues to reward those who approach it on that level.

are any of your girls actually pretty?

The fattest, acne-laden, scarred-up, and generally disfigured parts of their stained little pinky toes are prettier than someone with your shitty attitude shall ever be.

I get to disrespect them. You don’t. Fuck off, loser.

What would you do if your girl did want all of you to herself?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Wish her the best of luck in her future endeavors and wave goodbye.

Because that will never, ever happen.

hi! i messaged you a while back about breaking up with my boyfriend but then i ended up always going over his place to cook for him and have sex anyway. thanks for spelling it out for me that he’s an adult and can take care of himself. i blocked his number! haven’t heard from him in days. i feel great!! i’m going to appreciate some me time for a while, then look for a partner who actually values me. thanks so much! you like playing up being mean but you’re very nice

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I’m happy you’ve made a choice you’re proud of making.

To be clear, my answer would have been different if you’d given even the slightest impression that your then-status quo was something you sought, or was at least a foreseeable consequence of the dynamic you actually wanted. I’m all for people building and inhabiting the kinds of fucked-up worlds that make sense to them.

But it’s no good for anyone if you feel —to paraphrase Steve Gerber, who was stealing from A.E. Housman— “trapped in a world you never made”. The kind of obligated, servile, interminable relationship you’ve described is the sort that can only be chosen… you shouldn’t just stumble into it, or have it thrust upon you.

Fate should be a conspiracy.

How do you manage multiple relationships, including your girls/sisters, online chats, live in partners at the same time? Making sure everyone needs are fulfilled relationship wise if you’re their main partner, managing jealously, managing your own self care/well being and time to yourself?

No judgement at all, just super curious? I’m dabbling with someone who is poly and has a lot of communication with other girls and I’m trying to have an open mind about it all, rather than thinking ‘omg I’m just some generic kinky girl/we must all merge into one in his mind’.

l mean your girls all rave about so must be doing an excellent job!

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Simple answer?

1. I’m most definitely “primary” in every conceivable way, but I’m not sure “partner” captures the nature of my relationship with the girls. I’m not a boyfriend or significant other or even a dad… I’m their purpose. I’m their faith; the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen. I fulfill their greatest needs simply by existing… the rest is covered by listening, and caring what becomes of them.
2. All humans experience fleeting moments of jealousy; a girl who wants an ongoing place in my life will learn not to stretch those moments beyond their natural lifespans.
3. The self-care thing… is a work in progress. It helps that all the girls are acutely aware of how many people need me in their lives, and try to ease my load whenever possible. But I’m still learning to relax my grip and allow them to help… to me, saying “hey, you, handle this for me” is too often an option of last resort.
4. Do your lovers, siblings, parents, children, and friends merge into one in your mind? Or are they distinct entities who each relate to you differently, in ways both profound and subtle?
5. If a guy is making you feel generic, you definitely have a problem, but it isn’t polyamory.
6. I actually think I can improve greatly when it comes to “doing an excellent job”… so I guess they rave despite my flaws, because my natural baseline is still better than anything they’ve ever known.

would u create a hierarchy amongst your girls? like do any of them want to have a sub for themselves?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

They like to bully one another quite a lot, and they’re all reprehensible sluts, but that’s as far as it goes.