Category: Questions & Answers

Do you have any advice for someone who’s about to try being free use for the first time?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I’m always confused by what Tumblr people mean by “free use”. Do you mean “my husband’s friends are coming over and they’ve all got a pass to use me like a crusty sock”, or “when my boyfriend likes what he sees, he yanks down my leggings and plows me without a word”?

If it’s the former: figure out in advance which guy you like the least, and realize he’s definitely the one who will knock you up. Oh, and at least one of them hasn’t bathed today. Enjoy!

If it’s the latter: we used to call that spontaneity. Relax and roll with it until the rolling ain’t fun.

i broke up with my boyfriend a while back. he doesn’t seem to have agreed with it though, he tells me to come over to cook him dinner all the time. and i do it! a lot! i feel pathetic… but also like i can’t let the guy starve you know? and then sometimes we end up having sex too. that makes me feel especially pathetic. i dunno how to move on. or maybe i shouldn’t? i dunno

You don’t want to move on. That’s the plan, but you don’t want to pull the trigger. You’d rather linger in the space between everything and nothing than take the steps you need to take..

1. He didn’t need to agree with it, ‘cause he knows that you don’t mean what you say. Your words are just words, and your actions speak far louder.
2. He’s an adult; adults can feed themselves. He won’t starve in your absence… he’ll just make a fucking sandwich. You’re the only one who sees you as a vital cog is his sustenance machine, and that’s only because you need to rationalize something that makes no sense.
3. “Sometimes we end up having sex too.” As if you’re over there whipping up din-din, slip on the kitchen tile, and fall on his cock. 😏 I know it’s hot to feel pathetic, but I’m not sure it’s actually pathetic to get exactly what you want from someone you’ve chosen.

I have no idea if you really should leave him… you’ve said nothing to indicate what might be wrong with him or the relationship. He could be a giant dickbag, or just some guy who wasn’t quite right.

But you’ve at least thought of leaving him… so you need to figure out why that seemed like a solution, and why the solution doesn’t satisfy you. Neither he nor I have the answers… they’re entirely inside you.

Start digging. You might find gold.

I stumbled across your blog and it fascinated me in some way, even though it’s not the content of your blog, but how you see people.

People scare me, I don’t see through them. I don’t understand what motivates them and what role I play in their life, game or whatever.

Obviously you don’t seem to have this problem.

So if you feel like answering this… Where can I start in order to learn to “see” people as they are and understand them better?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Before you can see them, you have to listen to them. I mean, obviously, this doesn’t apply to those who make an effort to obfuscate their personae… but most people want to be known and accepted.

If you give ‘em a chance, show genuine interest, and create a safe space for vulnerability, they’ll eventually reveal themselves.