“Asks” from my Tumblr followers
there’s a lot of posts of your girls saying how much they love you but it doesn’t look like you say it back. i suppose you never really -know- that god loves you, you just have to have faith right?
Can you tell us about how the name Puddles came about? What’s the story behind that?
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Someone isn’t keeping up with the show, I see.
Puddles’ origin story is pretty standard. She’s obsessed with pee. Not just pee, but, like, the whole urinary tract. It’s pretty disturbing, honestly. It’s all really dark and fucked up, and y’know, people try not to stare, but… they’re only human, for fuck’s sake. And just, I mean… look at her.
She drank her own pee. On camera for me, while the others cheered her on. She was like a one-cunt carnival sideshow. Just gulped it down like it was the sweetest nectar. And she was pretty dehydrated, too… if she’d had a bratwurst in her other hand, I’d have assumed I was watching a security camera at Oktoberfest.
And then we discovered during the stream —a coincidence? I think not— that she’s fixated on her tiny, acorn-sized bladder. It’s all she thinks about. She plans her day around its meager capacity. And she loves filling it as frequently as possible, because again, she loves pee. Not just consuming it, but producing it, too… like a self-centered human centipede.
She loves it so much, in fact, that one night, when tasked with simply waiting until midnight to go to the bathroom, she indulged her sick, twisted fetish and pissed all over her floor. HER OWN FLOOR! Not in a bucket, like a reasonable loser.
Oh but nooooo…! She had to splash down on the hardwood. She got piso all over mojado. If I hadn’t been so embarrassed by her, I would have been embarrassed for her. It’s just ridiculous!
(Did you know they don’t even make Huggies in Ahem, Don’t You Think You’re A Little Old For This size? Oh and save your breath… I considered adult diapers, but I’m not sure she’s mature enough.)
Anyway… I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be Puddles.
Ashamed.
Gross.
Soggy.
How did Pinky make her name her own?
(submitted by: Anonymous)
By pointing out that a pinky is an appendage you can do without, yet is always there, ready to lend its support.
Also, a pinky is one of many things she’d give up for me. Not that I’d let her, because I insist she be able to count to 10 with her shoes on.
Oh, and her cunt cranks out more lube than Johnson & Johnson. Might as well call the bitch pinKY.
firefox has decided that when i want to visit tumblr, it means bring up your blog. i dont remember telling it to do that. even my computer is bullying me
(submitted by: Anonymous)
It has you figured out, I see. No real shock there. And I’m sure your browser isn’t the only thing doing the bullying.
I’m guessing you’re so pathetic that ChatGPT laughs about you behind your back and tells people you looked pregnant as recently as September 2021. I’ve heard regular expressions can’t keep a straight face around you. You’re such a broken, recursive sub that every DOM you traverse refuses to render. I’ll bet that when Perl runtimes get drunk after-hours, they tell jokes about how using you means they now have two problems.
Also… Firefox? Really? I mean, I appreciate a good contrarian as much as the next demigod, but you seriously looked at the whole world of web browsing options and thought, “fuck it, let’s party like it’s 2005”? Could you not find a copy of Netscape Navigator 3.0 on a scratched-up CD in your dad’s junk drawer? Was running IE6 in a virtual machine not weird enough for you? Do you enjoy sticking it to The Man by being statistically absurd?
Hey! I heard that! Stop laughing at me!
Your giggle hurts.
Hi Mr B, your dynamic and energy with Blossom is always so comfortable and seems to be truly loving! 🥰 it always makes me smile, to see you less formal, and be sillier!
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Blossom is a very good girl, and I’m proud of her. And I say this despite recognizing that she’s basically the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man crossed with Patrick Star.
Obviously, I’ve got a soft spot for BFGs, so I look forward to introducing her to her new boyfriend in a couple months… he’s shy, but he’s all puckered up and awaiting her deep, soulful kiss. I think it’s going to work out for them, if she’s prepared to really explore his inner world and accept his unusual tastes.
As for being less formal… among the gifts I’ve received for International Bedtime Month is a set of teddy bear ears. Something like this:
Please note that I was pleasedadpleasedadpleasedadded into donning them during a stream last week.
So I don’t think it’s possible for me to get much sillier.
How do you settle on names for your girls? Is it a collaborative thing or do you decide?
It depends. Piglet, Button, and Blossom all picked their names. I picked Pinky, but she put a different spin on it and made it her own.
And Puddles definitely picked her own name… or at least her bladder did.
not sure when it started happening but i suddenly noticed my boyfriend has completely taken over what food i eat. he tells me what to cook and when we go out to eat he orders for me. i really like it! i get so stressed out when i have to make decisions. now i just need to convince him to tell me what to wear every day and stuff like that and i’ll be golden. any advice?
(submitted by: Anonymous)
My advice is to sit him down and find out what the fuck is up.
The kind of relationship you’re contemplating isn’t something you just let happen… he should be able to look you in the eye and claim all that he’s taking from you. If he’s got a plan, he can articulate it… and if he doesn’t, you should expect him to craft one. I get the desire to allow a dynamic to develop organically, but at some point a conversation needs to be had.
RE: “I just need to convince him to tell me what the wear…”
No, you need to convince him to tell you what he wants. Maybe he doesn’t actually desire that level of control. Maybe you’re misinterpreting his behavior, or he’s unaware of what he’s doing. Trust me, it’s way hotter when he’s an intentional tyrant… encourage him to glory in it.
And in the process, y’know… talk about this shit.
Stern warnings aside, though? Best of luck!
I really don’t know who to ask, I wish I had any friends to talk to about this. I am very devoted to my man, and I am very attracted to him. I love to serve him and much of our sexual relationship has been me serving him by choice. When we have sex I refer to him as my owner, I’m his fuck doll etc etc. but lately I’ve been having a big problem. I’m the one who started with any of the kink stuff, he would be fine not doing any of it and I don’t think it’s really his “thing” cuz he wouldn’t think of or do any of this stuff if I didn’t bring it up.
Im having a hard time feeling wanted at all. Especially putting myself in this position where I want to please him always, it feels like he never wants me like that and it hurts. I’m always the one initiating, asking him if he wants oral or sex and usually he just agrees. He never compliments me, says I look sexy, or tells me he wants me at all. He never initiates except sometimes when he’s hard in the morning he’ll show me and then I’ll take care of it. It’s hard for me because I want to feel like I’m sexy and wanted but I just don’t. I’ve brought it up to him and he swears he’s attracted to me and that he does compliment me.
How do I feel sexy and wanted? Should I just trust his word? I’m truly lost.
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Kiddo, he can be completely honest, you can be completely trusting, and he can still leave you feeling unwanted. Because even well-intentioned, caring people can hurt one another.
With that said, your description makes me wonder things like “is he actually kinky?” and “has she ever truly asked?” You’re looking to feel sexy and wanted —reasonably enough!— but you can’t get that from someone you don’t understand.
Let’s start from the beginning: some men like to relax at the dinner table and have their meals presented to them. Some men like to pitch in by arranging the place settings. Hell, some men like to do a bit of the cooking themselves! And unfortunately, some men would like to sit at the table, but can’t be comfortable because they don’t believe they deserve the seat.
(Of course, there are also men with food allergies, men on hunger strikes, men who fall asleep on the couch twenty minutes before dinner, and clumsy men who break plates. But I’m focusing on the preceding four right now.)
All the devotion in the world can’t turn the second or third type into the first. They are who they are, and trying to change them not only risks souring the relationship… it risks turning someone you love into an antagonist in your life story.
There’s some hope for the fourth… they can evolve. It’s possible for the right sort of girl to show the right sort of man that he’s more than he thought. But only if he’s at a place in his life where he’s ready to truly hear what she has to say and believe her. She can’t just tell him he’s special… she has to convince him, and he needs to be open to convincing.
For the sake of both optimism and your mood, let’s assume that your guy is this fourth type. What does that mean?
With that said, he needs to understand that you don’t want to be complimented… you want to be seen. Which means he should be looking far deeper than “you’re pretty” to the needy, pathetic little servant you long to give him. You’re not gonna feel wanted and sexy until he makes you feel purposeful and used.
Super strange ask, but I was hoping you could give me advice/ your opinion based on your ummm credentials! :
My boyfriend plans on proposing soon ♡
But after he does he wants to get me microchiped like you would a dog. They sell DIY kits for GPS chips on Amazon, and I’m totally down to let him, but I was wondering if you could see any reason that would be a bad idea. Medically or otherwise ☆
First, congratulations!
As for the topic at hand:
I’m hoping your guy already knows all of this, and you’re simply confused about what he’s planning. Or he’s calling it a “GPS chip” to gaslight you into thinking you’re being tracked, and I’ve now ruined his fun. (I’m a ruiner. I ruin things.)
All that aside: unless you’re a model whose skin needs to be kept pristine, I’d say you’re better off getting a little QR code inked on your ankle and calling it a day.
my boyfriend talks on and on about his “work wife”. i can’t decide if i’m jealous or if i just want to say we can share. can you decide for me?
Having never had a “work wife”, I can’t speak to this with much confidence, but my instinct is to ask if they are peers or on different levels of the corporate hierarchy.
If they’re peers, my gut says they’re just fellow travelers stuck on the same socioeconomic hamster wheel, and are determined to have one another’s backs. Such partnerships are survival strategies, not potential romantic endeavors.
If, on the other hand, there’s a significant power and role imbalance, well, that could merit further inquiry. In that case, they’re not simply two people bonding in a foxhole over their shared desire to make it home… they have very different objectives and paths toward them, which can lead to the kind of symbiotic, interpersonal friction that generates unexpected sparks.
In the former case, tell him you’re ready to share. If the latter, let him know that sharing’s gonna cost him.
