Months ago a man said to me “youre pretty smart, for a dumb little toy,” and im still thinking about it. Made me swoon so hard

I try to avoid engaging with actual stupid girls… they’re cute like puppies, but then you get them home and they can barely feed themselves. And like most dogs, they’re horrible conversationalists.

I prefer smart girls. They can comprehend what I’m saying, will occasionally make me laugh, and I can make at least 30 of their IQ points vanish on a whim. There’s no downside.

I want to tell you about a fantasy I’ve had. And part of me…

I want to tell you about a fantasy I’ve had. And part of me thinks I’m scared you’ll think I’m gross but the truth is…im scared you won’t think anything at all. I’m scared of baring my soul in your askbox and it then collecting dust.

That could definitely happen. If the fantasy doesn’t speak to me, it’ll probably just sit there… and for it to speak to me, it’ll need to be so particular and intimate and revealing that you’ll struggle to even post it on anon.

Also I might think you’re gross. But that could be a good thing. Or, okay, maybe not good —because you’re ew— but not-bad. It could be just a thing. A gross, perverted, twisted thing.

You’re not the dom I want. I cant be with someone whos not ok with me being with anyone else, I don’t actually have any interest in submitting fully, I dont want to play with piss or have sex that makes me feel gross, and I definitely don’t want to be with someone that would view me as a toy without first recognizing my autonomy as their partner or teammate.

But there are specific things about you/your dom style that are very appealing to me. I like how you care for your girls like it’s your duty to protect them, I like how it seems you feel equally responsible for providing them with the enrichment (sadism) they need, I like that you seem to have a tendency to educate others (intentionally or not), and I like that you have visibility into every part of your girls lives.

Thank you for helping paint a clearer picture of what I need and want from a dom.

If you have any advice on how to further solidify that picture and possibly come to realize exactly what I want and need I would really appreciate it

It’s good to know what you don’t want, and even better to learn what you do. I’m proud of you.

I don’t know if I have any cogent advice, but I can summon some random thoughts about some of the attributes you’ve mentioned… but bear in mind that I’m not trying to dispute your conclusions. I’m just pondering.

RE: being with anyone else

It depends on the nature of the relationship. If I intend to fuck you or bind you to me in perpetuity, no, I won’t accept any kind of extracurricular “being”. (We keep it in the family, thanks.) But I see ownership in other terms as well… there are girls I own who —with permission— have other entanglements; some physical, some not. If everyone benefits and I’m not impeded… why not?

RE: without first recognizing my autonomy

If recognition is the important bit, that’s easy… I can’t take it away if I can’t see it. And from what I’ve seen, losing your independence is hotter when your independence has been actively exerised.

RE: duty to protect them

It’s a shepherd’s job to steer the flock out of harm’s way. Why would you do anything else? Who wants to leave their charges to the wolves?

RE: tendency to educate

I just think aloud. Or with a keyboard. I’m always teaching myself something as I talk. I’m often as surprised by the conclusion as anyone else.

RE: visibility into every part

I feel like this conflicts a lot with the “submitting fully” thing. I have a 360 degree view into their private worlds because I need one… they’ve given me the license to do as I please with their lives, and I’ll do more harm than good if I can’t see what I’m touching.

I’m not saying that an all-seeing, no-curtains, comprehensive-transparency-thing requires a concomitant loss-of-agency-thing. But they’re two great tastes that taste great together.

RE: thank you

You’re very welcome, nice person.

You told anon she could heal as long as she gave up the things that have made her wet; do you truly think liking the things we like makes us worse? Or bad? Or broken?

My take on the anon’s question is that she was distressed by her urges, and considered them to be part of something that needed healing. And I wanted her to know that yes, she can live a different life if that’s what she wants. She shouldn’t feel trapped by her kinks unless her kink is for triggering traps.

Aside from that… “the things we like” encompass a whole lotta stuff, and “we” adds up to a whole lotta people. For some folks, doing X will indeed make them worse. For some folks, doing X will bring them greater fulfillment than anything they’ve ever known.

Some of us can eat peanuts without dying, while some of us can’t. Some of us can smoke weed and laugh, while some of us get paranoid. Some of us can free-solo up a cliff face, and some of us trip over cracks in the sidewalk. “Bad” is determined by individual capabilities and circumstances, not activities.

Do yourself a favor: do not waste your time with the Benioff/Weiss dog-turd that is 3 Body Problem, and watch the Chinese Three-Body instead.

Reasons? There are many.

  1. The Netflix show is eight hours long. The Chinese Three-Body is a thirty hour series. Needless to say, the pacing is completely different.
  2. Thirty years ago, people wouldn’t watch anything with subtitles… today, y’all watch shit in English with the captions running. So the language barrier is no impediment.
  3. There are long stretches of dialog in T-B that are taken word-for-word from the book, while 3BP seems only tangentially aware that the book exists.
  4. T-B takes only one significant departure from the structure of the book, but it’s a harmless one that just makes it a little more mysterious from the start. 3BP, meanwhile, splits the main character into five, and runs away in a panic every time the story asks the audience to care about science.
  5. Seriously, Netflix, not everything has to be rewritten to be multicultural. The Three-Body Problem —the book— is a Chinese story about Chinese scientists and Chinese politics, and that’s the show I want to see.
  6. What makes TT-BP so compelling is that it’s plausible. Scientists think like scientists, cops think like cops, and apocalyptic cultists think like apocalyptic cultists. And most of that makes it into T-B. As opposed to 3BP, where motivations aren’t so much opaque as non-existent, and the characters only do whatever will most efficiently get us to the next scene.
  7. I’ll grant you, if T-B were an American production, it would feel like it was made in 2010… it’s all Dutch angles, rapid cuts, and skittering camera work. But it’s set in 2007, so who cares?
  8. If you want to understand how differently these productions approach the source material, just look at the cosmic microwave background scene. Observe as Wang Miao in T-B frantically pours over dot-matrix print outs of satellite data with deepening horror, while the entire world of 3BP just walks outside, looks up, and goes “that’s peculiar”. You can practically feel Benioff and Weiss wanting to just write it all off to space dragons or something and move on to the next cool visual.
  9. Speaking of dragons, T-B is 100% free of any remnants of the cast of Game of Thrones… I didn’t realize this before, but I never want to think about Samwell Tarley again.

Hi✨ I would like to ask your opinion on something. My dom and I have been together for year and a half, most of our relationship has been online cuz we are from different cities and he has been dealing with a family situation. The thing is sex and sex play is on and off depending on everything going on in his life and I’m pretty okay with that but I have picked a pattern of his and I don’t think I like it.

I have seen that we have seasons, seasons we play hard and seasons we play less. When we play hard sometimes we do it for weeks or even months but then he suggest something that for me is a hard no, at least while we’re apart (is always the same thing) and I always suggest that we can try it in the future and that I’m not completely close to that, just that while we’re apart I don’t feel completely confortable. When he says that normally he suggests it 2 o 3 times more in very subtle way during the course of the week until I stop to explote. Then he says he’s never going to suggest it again and then the sex decreases until even if I ask for permission to touch myself he doesn’t really care so I stop asking for permission at all. And the the cycle starts again.

Yesterday was the day that I exploited cuz the particular punishment he suggested and even more for the lack of attention he was giving. Today I tried to have a very mature conversation about everything, we even completed an excel about kink compatibility. I said my part, he said his and for me I only said that I needed him to know me better to break me to the point were it was still safe for both of us, that I needed trust, confidence and devotion from his side so I could be fully submissive. He said he understood, that he will not suggest that again NEVER (so the cycle is complete) and that he didn’t like that I was telling him what and what not to do, and that he also didn’t like that we had to plan everything.

I don’t know, I don’t want to get through the cycle again, I’m just confused and really don’t know what to do.

FYI in the compatability test he has way more “hard no” than me, even in things I would really love to try but even with that, I would never push him.

So this time I don’t know that to do, I don’t know if I should encourage more difficult conversations and try to solve this and wait for him to return home for good. He’s going to return in one month (his family situation is finally solved). Or just give up all together. I know I’m no perfect and he’s not perfect either but he always tries his best, he does research for me to feel more confortable, he always cares for me and he’s always super respectful and in full control of himself. He always is, apart from this particular kink. So I really don’t know what to do.

Any suggestions? I know this is way too much to ask

If you haven’t given him an opportunity to see and consider the pattern you’ve uncovered, then I feel like you should go the “difficult conversations” route. I mean, there are many signs of incompatibility here, so I’m not confident that talking is going to fix anything… but you’ll feel better about the decision to give up if you’ve ticked all the communicative boxes.

With that said:

I don’t want to project my personality and approach on to your guy, which just isn’t fair to either of you. But I’ve gotta say, this whole “I wanna do X… oh. No? How about now…? Really? I’ll bet you couldn’t do it correctly anyway, but… wow, thought that would work. What if I wear a funny hat while we— still no, huh? Okay then, behold as I selflessly and permanently abandon this thoroughly rejected idea until the next time I’m horny” thing is some real Little League nonsense, and both of you should expect more of him.

Let’s put aside the badgering and coercive vibes that everyone else on Tumblr will point out. Instead, I want to know where his goddamned pride has gone, and why both of you are okay with it disappearing.

Why the fuck is he repeatedly trying to pressure you into anything? He is —in theory— the leader of this two-person expedition, and leaders don’t nag or pout. Instead of wasting time trying to pester you into compliance, he could be showing you why he deserves to hear you beg for it.

It’s not your job to be the kind of girl who always agrees; it’s his job to be the kind of man you’d never refuse.