Bedtime Stories for Broken Girls

Last week i hooked up with a guy. We were having sex in his car. I told him i wouldnt have sex with him without a condom because i dont know him like that. We had mediocre sex for a couple minutes when i realized …something didnt feel right. I looked and realized he didnt have a condom on even though id WATCHED him put it on. He claimed it was inside me but everything about the situation felt wrong. I put on my underwear and left,,,honestly i felt gross and used and…i know technically if someone else told me about this happening to them i would never certain to make sure they knew they were raped. I dont feel like thats what happened. Idk im feeling confused and used and still pretty gross. Idk what to do about it and idk what i want you to say about it but….i wanted to tell you?

It’s your story, kid; I’m not gonna force a narrative on you. If you don’t want to call it rape, we won’t call it rape.

So instead of jumping to legalistic conclusions, let’s simply talk about what happened.

1. He pushed to have condom-free sex with someone he didn’t really know. (That means he prioritizes his arousal over anyone’s well-being, including his own.)
2. He lied when he said the condom was inside you. (If it had been, you’d have retrieved it and mentioned it… your vagina isn’t a latex compost bin where lost condoms turn into mulch.)
3. He stealthed you, intentionally removing the condom so that he could take non-consensual risks within the context of a consensual sex act. (This means his fantasies matter more than your realities.)
4. He thinks you’re stupid enough to fall for any of this. (His contempt for you extends beyond his view of your body as his to violate.)
5. He almost certainly has something; that wasn’t his first time, and it’s entirely possible that spreading his disease —either a literal STI, or figuratively in the form of a bastard child— is the whole point. (Get yourself tested, immediately.)
6. He seems to have lucked out and pulled this shit with the right kind of girl; it’s safe to assume —because you’re asking me— that you have a rather nuanced and possibly conflicted view of sexual manipulation and assault, and are thus struggling to figure out if you somehow deserved or invited this treatment. That’s of course super-handy for him. He doesn’t have to feel shame, analyze his actions, or bear the consequences of either because you’re here to do all of that for him. Which would be fine if any of this had been based on a profound emotional bond, a shared understanding, or for fuck’s sake, just a fleeting glimpse of intimacy. But it wasn’t. (I need you to remember that what we are ain’t what he is… the fucked-up sex we enjoy can be brutal and scary and overwhelming, but we’re always on the same team. You were never on his team, honey. Never.)

As for what you might want me to say… I can only guess. Probably something that affirms your experience and recognizes the complexity of your reactions without making you feel like a cretinous whore or a helpless victim. I figure you also wanted to be given a new perspective on the experience that clarifies and embellishes your own feelings rather than trying to convince you that you’re having the wrong ones.

With that said, I know what you need me to say.

Take care of yourself. First and foremost. If that means making less of this event than you could, so be it. Again, you’re the author of this chapter of You: The Untold Story.

But seriously, kiddo… don’t carry this dude’s shit. He did it. All of it. He made a series of decisions that invalidated your decisions. You don’t have to call that “rape”, but that doesn’t make it okay. You can reject the trauma in an experience while still accepting its reality.

Oh, and I’m glad you spoke up. I hope it felt good to get it out.

Do you encourage all your girls to lose weight for you, or to be prettier for you?

In order: no, yes.

I want some of them to lose weight. I want some of them to lose a bit if they can, but I don’t actually care. And I want some of them to put on a couple pounds.

I’ve found that useful girls aren’t built on an assembly line.

yesterday I tuned in to the livestream for the first time!! it was so cool i had never heard any of those songs before (then i fell asleep but i tried to keep up i promise)

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Good try! The ones who should be hanging on my every word somehow manage to fall asleep with alarming regularity, so I can hardly fault you for such a misdemeanor.

As for music… I don’t expect anyone under 35 to know more than 1/3 of the songs I love, so again, don’t sweat it. Especially if we’re having a ‘70s Night.

Are you interested in females who arent women?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Well, that’s complicated. I mean, are we talking about a hairy little gremlin that’s Brolingual, eats like a feral dog with body issues, and seems only intermittently aware that there’s a vagina down there?

Hey, I’ve already got one of those!

With that said, I suppose I wouldn’t instantly dismiss a transboy, but it’d be a dicey proposition. His masculine energy would likely turn me off, and as I routinely do with cischicks, I’d ultimately spend lots of time encouraging his femininity, in ways that would undermine what was likely a lifetime of work.

Then again, if you don’t want your identity to end up looking like the cross-section of an ant mound, I’m not a safe bet in general.

I love your blog. Ive never been to any of your streams because im not sure i could handle it. Something about me is i tend to fall hard and fast, more often than not for men who don’t give a fuck and don’t feel the same.

I see all these girls who’ve let themselves fall at your feet and i wanna be like them…i dont…i do….i dont know.

I want you but i want you to want me and i know that wont happen.

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Thank you, sweet person!

It should be noted that being “like them” isn’t a prerequisite for joining the stream… if you just want to unobtrusively fangirl, you’re quite welcome. We’re just trying to have fun, so take a seat in one of the back pews and enjoy the show.

But beyond that…? First, pause to consider that there’s a big gulf between “don’t give a fuck” and “don’t feel the same”. A man’s failure to meet your expectations doesn’t mean he doesn’t care… don’t confuse a dick with a disappointment, even when they look similar.

Second —and more importantly— you need to grasp that a desire for me to “feel the same” isn’t merely hoping for a thing that won’t happen… it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of what I am, and what this is. And perhaps what you are.

I adore my dog and I’d lose my mind if someone hurt him, but I’m the hub at the center of his world… I don’t feel about him the way he feels about me. An orca and a remora can have a mutually-beneficial relationship, but it will never be symmetrical. You can worship the sun for the warmth and energy it provides, but those provisions are artifacts of its existence, not gifts bestowed. We are simply not the same.

To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be wanted; as with anything that makes you happy, I hope you find it. But you’ll know you’re ready for me the day you realize that what you want more than anything else is a purpose. The day you realize I’m not a dispenser of attention, but your reason for being.

That’s when you’ll say “I do.”

If you happen to bc mutuals with a girl and tumblr nukes them could they message you in the case of a remake for a possible mutualship(?) again? Very much fine if not, I know you have lots of much prettier girls and girls who have more to offer to follow and grab your attention, especially since theyre ones who havent just mainly lurked going on 7? years just a little query due to tumblr nuking lots of accounts currently

(submitted by: Anonymous)

If we’re already mutuals, then of course you can let me know. I mean, it’s been seven years, so maybe you’ve changed dramatically… but if so, I’m assuming I would have unfollowed already.

Plus, I mean, c’mon… you’re still here. How much have you really changed? 😏

idk what youve done in my head again, but its like im 19 again avoiding college essays obsessing over your account again but no college essays to avoid just life stress now

(submitted by: Anonymous)

One of the strangest things about having a ten year old blog is that some of you have spent your entire young adulthood with me. I’ve been there, at every milestone.

You were scrolling through my archive under the covers in your childhood bedroom the summer before college, you were hiding me —and your noises— from your roommate in your dorm room, you came home to me when your dates didn’t work out, you spent a long, sweaty weekend rubbing yourself to me when your first Serious Boy cheated, you tried to imagine talking to me after you graduated and didn’t know what to do next, you escaped into me during your parents’ surprise divorce, you instinctively compared your new fiancé to me and cried a little over all the things he’d never be, you started rubbing in the bathroom with the light off after he went to sleep but it was okay because I didn’t know you existed, and someday you’ll stand next to the toilet looking at a positive test and realize that there was a different life within reach but you were never brave enough to grab it.

I wonder where you’ll end up after that? Hard to say.

But I know where you’ll be when you’re alone in the dark.

That was my ask you answered and it wasn’t even really that personal or intimate but my heart is pounding and my breath is kinda shaky.

Thank you for seeing me even just for a second

(submitted by: Anonymous)

You’re welcome, cunt!

What do you do with unanswered asks? Do you delete them? Let them sit in your inbox? Jerk off to some of them and keep them for your eyes only?

Um.

• I don’t do anything with them. They just sit there. I delete the occasional duplicate or troll-ask… but my inbox stretches from 2014 to 2024.

• I occasionally get bored and scroll back to answer old stuff… I responded to some asks from 2019 in 2023. And I answered something from 2014 in 2020, I think.
• I do hold on to handful of them for sentimental reasons… for example, there’s a couple asks that Glowbug sent in 2016, before she finally caught my attention. We didn’t have DMs on Tumblr back in the day, so there’s some private communication buried in there.
• I’ve received a few submissions that were very pretty —waving at reapkink, wherever she is today— but nothing that ever inspired me to jerk off. One-off interactions don’t excite me that way.