My boyfriend has a mind control kink and I really want to ask him if we can do more mind games/mind fuckery but I’m so anxious, I’m not the best at communicating lol Also is it normal for people to be into kinks/fetishes similar to their traumas?

Even the best would struggle to communicate what’s going on in your head; I’ve only known you for two or three sentences now, and I can already tell it’s a mess in there. Just be patient with yourself, and try to remember that any man who can be trusted to screw with your psyche probably deserves to hear you beg for it.

As for your question: I’m pretty sure I have no idea what “normal” looks like, but it’s certainly *common* for one’s kinks to intersect/parallel one’s trauma. Which I guess means you’re somehow both a twisted deviant, and not at all special.

Sooo… congratulations?

Seen on Tumblr:

“I think the biggest turn on is knowing you turned someone else on”

I don’t know about *that*, but it’s certainly important.

In fact, that, in a nutshell, is why there are limits to my sadism; it’s simply no fun for me if you don’t want to come back for more. If you don’t want to follow me out of the room and curl up next to me on the couch, or at least come scratching at my door the next week like a lost animal in heat, then I’ve missed the mark. If there’s not a part of you that yearns for me just a little for the rest of your life, then I’ve let us both down.

It might seem a cheap trick, but I want you to want me.

My cunt is the most confused it’s ever been. How do you deal with girls idolizing you? Love from South Africa. x

I mostly ignore them, like a giant asshole. Which is really stupid, because I should be harnessing them, literally and figuratively.I need to move to Colorado and start a cult. If women are going to throw themselves into stupid shit like Nxivm, why am I standing on the sidelines like a sucker? I mean, if I ever take your money, swear you to fealty, then strip you naked and brand you, I’ll at least give you a courtesy hug when I’m done! That’s just the kind of Beloved Guru that I want to be. I can see it now.

Bedtime’s Boutique Weed Farm & Home For Wayward Girls: where I get high, and you get low.

Have you got any advice for someone who goes through phases of being hyper sexual and sex repulsed due to past abuse? I feel like I’m super pathetic and needy but sometimes I just don’t want to be touched sexually and still degraded? Idk I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I thought I’d be best to say this anonymously because I’m embarrassed about it

I have thoughts and vague attempts at commiseration, but not much in the way of advice.

I was most definitely hyper-sexual until I hit my late 20s, but I’ve never been sex-repulsed; while I grew up deeper in #metoo territory than I’d like to admit, I was spared that particular outcome. So I don’t have a visceral understanding of what you’re going through.

But honestly, there are probably tons of things wrong with both of us. There always will be. We’ll fix some of the them, and we’ll limp along with the rest. Is this one of those things you need to fix, or is it a problem you’re willing to drag along with you for the rest of your life?

I *will* say that it’s perhaps worrisome that your desire for degradation transcends your sexual response, although my concern is less with *you* than with the men that trait will attract. A guy who knows you want to be dominated and humiliated is going to see your cyclical “frigidity” as a giant, flashing “Violate Me” sign over your cunt; to him, there won’t be a better, more efficient way to give you what you want than to force you to have what you don’t.

Watch your ass out there, sweetheart.