When even other women hold you down and tell you that you’re a stupid cunt who has it coming, it’s time to consider that the universe may have a plan for you.
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The Gift
I wanted to do something really special for our first wedding anniversary, and now that you’re all strapped in, I can let you in on the surprise I’ve cooked up. Listen very carefully.
See, after I found out you were adopted, I hired someone to track down your birth parents.… Read the rest “The Gift”
Holding a sharp knife against perfect skin is like staring at a field blanketed in clean, unblemished snow. You want to stand back and admire it for its pristine beauty, but you also want to jump in and mess it the fuck up.
Before you know it it’s 3 am and you’re 80 years old and you can’t remember what it was like to have 20 year old thoughts or a 10 year old heart.
This is the scariest fucking text post I’ve ever read (via fuckinq)
… Read the rest “” If it’s any consolation, most of your 20 year old thoughts will turn out to be incredibly stupid and best forgotten… but the few important ones will stick around as long as you need them.
“He gave each woman a choice: be my sex slave or be my corpse.”
When I was a kid, these were sold in every grocery and convenience store… you couldn’t buy a copy of *Playboy* within forty miles, but you could have all the rapey detective mags you wanted.… Read the rest “”
… Read the rest “”Portable urinals. When you just don’t feel like using the regular urinal, bring a woman to the party.
Especially a blonde one. I don’t know why, but they make the most satisfying urinals of all.