Julian Sands and Sherilyn Fenn in Boxing Helena, 1993
Dear god, she looked good in that. Goddamn.
Speaking of Boxing Helena, and thus Jennifer Lynch, this is where I offer my occasional recommendation that you hunt down a copy of her book, The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer.… Read the rest “2-3-2:Julian Sands and Sherilyn Fenn in Boxing Helena, 1993 Dear god, she looked good…”
[CONTENT NOTE: Here be dragons.]
You’re confused, baby… I can tell. So just hush while I clear things up for you, okay? Good.
I’m sure you see my hard cock and you probably wonder, “Does my Daddy want to make love to me?”… Read the rest “Bad Timing”
O woman, o woman, I know what you’ve become.
I have seen what you will suffer, accept, and even consecrate, and I have beheld the obscenities you will bequeath to your daughters in the name of your sons. I have watched you gaze into the eye of fevered, frenzied hate and pluck from it the mote of love you need to live.… Read the rest “”
Every significant person in my life, at least once in 2018:
“Who are you?”
What’s funny is that half of them are old people wondering what the fuck I’m becoming, and the other other half are new people, wondering how the fuck I could have been anything else.
Fair enough. I’m sorry for erroneously naming your song, Buckcher— I mean late-career Aerosmi— I mean, Hinder.
Bear in mind, you’re talking to someone who, as a kid, was convinced that an old Kenny Rogers song referred to “four hundred children, and a crop in the field.”… Read the rest “Ahem .. it’s “lips of an angel”, not kiss from an angel 🙉”
Ugh.
For reasons that have always mystified and vaguely embarrassed me, I’ve received dozens of asks from young men over the years, wanting me to tell them how to… be me. Most of the guys in question seem like well-intentioned, decent people, but that’s pretty much the most absurd goal anyone could ever have, so I’ve just ignored them.… Read the rest “Bedtime Behavior for Boisterous Boys”
i cant believe im gonna be 23 at the end of this month 😭😭😭😭
Ah, that moment when someone less than half your age is feeling old…
In 1993, I called a girl and left a five minute long message on her answering machine while doing an impression of Gary Oldman in Dracula. Her roommate told her she had a message by saying, “Are you tutoring a Romanian guy now?… Read the rest “Dumb Moves That Got Me Laid”
You know what’s missing from this kink scene? The one immutable characteristic of a woman that no one takes the time and artisanal pride to degrade with any enthusiasm?
We need more southpaw-shaming.
How many of you left-handed perverts are out there, rubbing your clits counter-clockwise or some weird shit, trying to be little but realizing you still can’t cut construction paper like a normal four year old, and turning your hand into a crab claw so you can scribble your deepest, darkest, most awkward, and klutzy thoughts into your dream journal?… Read the rest “A Sinister Proposal”
The tickets were easy. It wasn’t her first trip, so she moved through the process of booking a flight with little thought. There was a nervous flutter in her stomach while she packed, but she ignored it, and concentrated on finding her passport.… Read the rest “The Void”
