How do I get a guy to stop being nice to me?

Depends on why he’s being nice, I suppose.

For example, perhaps he doesn’t care about you. Screaming “WHORE!” into a woman’s spittle-flecked, wide-eyed face while filling her ass with cum and strangling her with a shoelace is hard work, and it’s possible you just aren’t worth the effort.… Read the rest “How do I get a guy to stop being nice to me?”

Is it okay that I pretend you’re my daddy while I touch myself?

If you must… you’re thinking of the correct person while humping your hand, and that’s the important thing. If your orgasm isn’t dedicated to a man, then what’s the point in having it at all, right? But really, I don’t know about “daddy” these days.… Read the rest “Is it okay that I pretend you’re my daddy while I touch myself?”

If you could clone yourself then sell the clones online that would be great. K. Bye.

I’d be into it, but I have the sneaking suspicion that if I ever found a way to replicate myself, I would end up like •••• •••••••’s character at the end of ••• •••••••.

(It’s the man’s only really good movie, so I’m not gonna spoil it.)… Read the rest “If you could clone yourself then sell the clones online that would be great. K. Bye.”

I bet this really is Michael Madsen.

Heh. Amusingly, I never intended Sir Michael to become my spirit animal. My intent was to swap the photo out every few weeks with another older and vaguely creepy B-list actor, but it never happened, for several reasons:

1. I was watching The Borgias at the time, and wanted to put Jeremy Irons into the rotation… until I figured out that Jeremy Irons means something very specific to Tumblr.… Read the rest “I bet this really is Michael Madsen.”

any advice on how to attract experienced guys if i’m a 5 foot 1 virgin chick?

I love the way you phrase that, like being a 5’1” virgin is akin to having a conjoined twin growing out of your armpit. “How do I get experienced men to ignore the creepy way Half-Susie’s misshapen little foot kicks when they touch my nipple?”… Read the rest “any advice on how to attract experienced guys if i’m a 5 foot 1 virgin chick?”