Um… once, I think?
If by “official date” you mean “two people who aren’t in a relationship formally agree to go to dinner-and-a-chick-flick at a set time in an attempt to explore their sexual tension”… yeah, once. We had Mexican —or she did, I embarrassed myself by ordering a hamburger because I didn’t know what “fajitas” were— and then watched The Cutting Edge.… Read the rest “Have you ever been on an official date?”
The first time I made a girl squirm at work was 1990. She was fifteen years my senior, and had a husband in prison. She’d been flirting with me for quite some time, and I guess I was feeling bold.
I came up behind her while she was standing in front of a low wall, talking to a couple of our co-workers on the opposite side.… Read the rest “I’m at work and the bar is so dead today ive been scrolling through your blog. I’m so squirmy 🙈I can’t wait for my shift to end so I can edge myself stupid”
Probably the first blowjob I received, which took place between rows of boxed exercise equipment and inflatable pools in a discount store’s merchandise storage area.
Back in those days, I was a one-man Sexual Indiscretion In The Workplace demo reel; basically, ever single sexualized thing that you aren’t supposed to do at work, I did, daily and with gusto.… Read the rest “what’s the most unusal place you’ve ever received oral? Given?”
I literally don’t know… it’s not like I have “a type”. But I have a guess how I came to care about them at all. I call it The Mary Hart Factor.
Okay, so it’s hard for me to overstate to what extent the 1980s were the Decade of the Calves.… Read the rest “what is that you like about calves?”
I’ve now had my second jab, and am settling in for a long, drowsy weekend of aches, pains, and general exhaustion, followed by getting the fuck out of the house for the first time in forever.
Life is moving on, children.
We reconnected the next year, had lots of really fucked-up teenaged phone sex over the following couple years, and even went on a date or two… then she grew bored with me, I fell madly in love with a co-worker, and we drifted apart.… Read the rest “So what ever happened to unicorn girl?”
Here’s how you properly take a whore into the woods:
My tastes have evolved over the decades, but in the early ‘90s, when she was the queen of “this is an ad for jeans but ironically there are no jeans in the ad”, I thought she was near-perfect.
It’s weird to remember she was older than me, too.… Read the rest “Loooove Anna Nicole Smith!”
This was my first camera, part of Kodak’s ill-fated attempt to clone Polaroid’s self-developing film. They were sued for a fortune and lost… ended up having to send everyone rebates when they took the cameras off the market.
The funny thing was how lame the competition really was.… Read the rest “”
I have the same computer —an Amiga 1000— in my garage.
It was a huge coup, when Commodore scored Deborah Harry and Andy Warhol to host the launch party in ‘85. Andy at least pretended to be excited by the technology —painting with 32 simultaneous colors, from a pallete of 4,096!… Read the rest “”
