I’m a horrid procrastinator because I’m an egregiously obsessive perfectionist with a firm grasp on reality. I frequently refuse to reply to messages, not because I don’t want to talk, but because I don’t want to spend an hour precisely articulating a response.
Interestingly, I also happen to…
Why are you so freaking adorable, mister?
It’s a ruse to lure little girls to their doom.
Seriously. His sadistic intelligence is just too good to resist!
- I am not adorable. I am the pure Platonic form of tumescent, rapacious masculinity, somehow squeezed by The Elder Gods through a hole in time and space into the form of one humble, human male. So there.
- Doom? I don’t know about Doom, exactly. I prefer to lure little girls to their Call of Duty.
- “Seriously. His sadistic intelligence is just too good to resist.” sounds like the summary of a 5-star Amazon review. I approve.