So Kevin Smith had a heart attack —fair warning: if he dies, expect me to go from zero to mid-life crisis in under 24 hours— and Heather Locklear tried to beat up a cop.
My youth had a rough weekend.
I don’t know either of those people but I hope you’ll be okay!
You are a very kindly giraffe. I should try to remember the international nature of my audience.
Heather Locklear wore a bikini and smiled at me from the poster over my bed when I was fourteen. She was on a show called *Dynasty* that I hated but my parents loved, and later, a show called *Melrose Place* that I hated but *everyone* loved. She was the pre-eminent rockstar marrier of her time —landing both Tommy Lee (Motley Crue) and Richie Sambora (Bon Jovi) in the space of ten years— and is currently mother to an Instagram thot. Looks like she may have some anger issues, too.
Kevin Smith is a short, lumpy wearer of hockey jerseys, who made a black-and-white movie in the convenience store where he worked in ‘92. The characters in *Clerks* were hyper-verbal vulgarians who engaged in bitter arguments about irrelevant things; bored wage-slave nobodies who were simultaneously fascinated by and disgusted with sexual depravity… he basically invented Tumblr. Then a few years later, he invented Ben Affleck, for which he has yet to atone. Despite the fact that his peer group is a bit of a #MeToo All-Star Team —I remind myself that if I’d known those people at that age, I would have been right there with him— he’s still something approximating a hero to me.
And thus concludes this installment of Bedtime’s Incredibly Inappropriate Wikipedia Edits.