Questions and Answers

Do the men, other doms who are looking through your blog, who see you as a role model of sorts ever cross your mind?

This whole thing is very much written for the female gaze, so less than zero thought is given to titillating men. Historically, I’ve tried to stick to playing defense with the boys: anytime I’ve seen a follower who gave off an MRA/incel/He-Man Woman Haters Club vibe, I’ve just blocked him and moved on.

But then I started getting DMs and asks from women saying “I sent my boyfriend/fiance/husband to your blog to help him understand”, and I was forced to think about them. Which is why the blog’s tone is considerably softer today than it was seven or eight years ago, and there are now tons of answered asks that dissect toxic male behavior, a service most women don’t need. I’m now aware there are well-meaning guys out there watching, and I try to steer them in a non-destructive direction without completely undermining what makes the blog work for the people who matter most to me.

As for anyone seeing me as a role model… yeesh. As I said long ago in a post about this very topic: nothing about where I am was worth everything it took to get here. I am a cautionary tale with a surprisingly happy-ish ending, not something to which anyone should aspire.