Category: Questions & Answers

Hi sir. I hope you’re well. I need some advice if you have time to listen. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years and we’ve lived together for 2. About a year ago I went through his photos (wrong of me I know) and saw that he was taking photos of me naked while I was sleeping and didn’t know. I brought it up to him and told him it made me feel uncomfortable but he’s more than welcome to take photos while I’m awake. I also send him naked photos all the time. He apologized and told me he wouldn’t do it again. Fast forward to now and I just went through his photos and saw that he’s been taking photos and videos of me while I’m sleeping again. Even worse, he’s been taking videos touching me while I’m asleep. This is particularly disturbing because I suffer from panic attacks and nightmares that usually cause me to wake up in a panic. He knows that a lot of my nightmares have to do with childhood trauma of being sexually abused and I’ve specifically asked him not to touch me while I’m sleeping because it often triggers nightmares/panic. What do I do? Do I bring it up to him? Because then I’ll be admitting I went through his photos again. But honestly I don’t feel very safe with him right now. I don’t even want to sleep by him anymore. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Okay, first things first: going through his phone is indeed shitty of you. It demonstrates your lack of trust in him, and the absence of any faith in your relationship. At best, it’s a really bad habit that can turn toxic if you don’t break it at the first opportunity.

There. Have you been sufficiently reprimanded?

Good.

Now get the fuck away from him.

‘Cause one of the following is true:

1. He doesn’t care about your bad dreams or the way his behavior makes you feel unsafe. He just wants to get off, and he’s not going to stop.
2. He cares about your nightmares and vulnerability, and they excite him. It thrills him, knowing how this affects you. He just wants to get off, and he’s not going to stop.
3. He doesn’t believe what you’ve told him about your history and issues, and thinks you’re being an overdramatic bitch about his fun. He just wants to get off, and he’s not going to stop.

If you look closely, you can probably spot the recurring theme there. You’ve caught him, explained your concerns, he apologized… and now, a year later, you’ve found that rather than stop, he’s actually escalated. He’s shown you what he values, and it ain’t you.

Remember, the world is full of girls who would love his kink… even the sneaky, creepy parts. It would thrill them to be molested and recorded in the night. Someone could give that to him at any time.

But he’d rather take it. And not from a normal girl, with a normal past and normal dreams. He’d rather take it from you.

Ask yourself why.

And then realize there’s no point in bringing it up to him. He knows he’s doing a shitty thing, and he knows how you feel. He has no explanation that will satisfy you. There are no assurances he can give you. The most he can do is bullshit you and play on your well-deserved but poorly-proportioned guilt until you shut up about it. For now.

In reality, short of setting up a Paranormal Activity camera at the foot of the bed and spending an hour a day fast forwarding through your sleep cycle in search of malfeasance, you will never trust him again. You’ll never relax around him. You’ll never have peace.

And c’mon kid… you deserve someone you can believe in.

Is it okay for a girl of yours to be a sex worker?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Added this to the FAQs.

Whats the grossest thing you have ever made a girl do?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I made her admit what she really is.

Sometimes there’s nothing more disgusting than the truth.

Would you ever consider owning a switch? Someone who would of course always be submissive to you, but might… possibly… really enjoy bullying other dumb cunts? 😇

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I’d consider it, sure. I find that sort of thing cute, like a puppy growling at her own shadow.

But she’d need to keep it in the family. If it licks something of mine, it’s becomes mine… that’s just common sense, if you ask me.

But would you mind if a girl threw up on you? Would you find that disgusting or just keep going?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Spit, snot, and phlegm? Find it disgusting and keep going.

Lobster and tenderloin from earlier in the evening? Find it disgusting, throw her off me, make her clean up her mess, kick her a couple times while calling her a vile little goblin, then keep going.

Is a girl being anorexic a deal breaker?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Not in and of itself.

Being a self-destructive, heedless, and disdainful steward of my property is a deal breaker. Routinely engaging in disobedience is a deal breaker. Hating yourself more than you love me is a deal breaker.

Whatever the disorder, disability, or dysfunction, it’s the result that’s disqualifying.

Have you ever met someone off tumblr who you didn’t own? Just an internet friend or something?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

Nope. And now that the stream is a thing, there wouldn’t be much point to it… anyone who wants to hang out as a friend can do so several times a week.

Those who wish to share a room with me should expect to do so upon their knees.

Have you ever been with an autistic girl? Would you?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I’ve answered versions of this before, and it should probably go in the FAQ.

At this point, given the staggering breadth of presentation and the prevalence of self-diagnosis, I can’t answer that question directly… “autistic girl” can mean almost anything —or nothing— at this point.

But autistic or otherwise, you might have a rough time in my orbit if you have recurring struggles with:

• navigating social situations
• verbally conveying your own emotions
• interpreting metaphors and emotional cues
• processing unexpected changes to your routine

…’cause you’re gonna be part of a collective, you’ll be expected to Use Your Words, I frequently traffic in symbology and indirection, and I’m gonna want what I want when I want it… your priorities aren’t gonna run the show.

It’s about what you can —and can’t— do, not what label’s been attached to your capabilities.

I have a habit of falling for men way too old for me. And the age just keeps going up. A 24 year old when i was 19, a 29 year old when i was 22, and now I’m 24 crushing on someone old enough to be my dad.

Idk if it’s me or them or some combination of it all but it makes me a little worried, i don’t want to be dating an 80 year old man when I’m 30.

I suppose at least with you theres no chance we date, just the offhand possibility that my crush on you crushes me. What is life without risk though?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

In terms of pure attraction, I don’t think you have to worry about your tastes skewing toward octogenarians. Barring non-romantic considerations, there’s probably an upper-limit on your urges.

My theory is that a functional age gap involves cultural overlap… for example, I get along well with Millennials and elder Z’ers because the TV/movies they watched while dad ruled the remote from his La-Z-Boy and the music they heard when mom dominated the dial in the car were the shows and songs that were making the biggest impression on adult-me. We took completely different things away from those shared influences, of course, but the point is that they’re shared.

So I expect you’ll max out with men around your dad’s age, give or take a few years… men whose interests are as familiar as they are alien, and thus as comforting as they are challenging.

As for being crushed by your crush… yeah, that’ll happen.

Have girls ever fought over you?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I hope not.

A good girl knows the only way to win me is to lose everything else.