I’m not big, but not naturally thin. I have curves, I’m a medium build, 5’2. I want to be what he wants. I want to be perfect for him. I’m currently dieting to be closer to his ideal and when he found out he was upset that I felt the need to do that but I don’t understand why. I don’t know if he just feels guilty that I think I need to change for him or if it’s something more. He never made me feel like I needed to lose weight. I just wanted to be better for him. Why won’t he let me do that?
—Anonymous
A number of thoughts spring to mind:
- If you want to be perfect, start by listening to him. Making significant changes without his input isn’t going to make him feel appreciated or served.
- It’s entirely possible for him to simultaneously lust after thin women and desire you exactly as you are. You’re not a girl-shaped abstraction like them… you’re his very specific person, about whom he has very specific feelings.
- Maybe it’s guilt. Maybe it’s frustration. Maybe he just doesn’t like it when you think you know his mind better than he does. I know you’ve been doing this out of love, but it probably seems presumptuous to him.
- You don’t want him to let you do anything. You want him to make you do it. So try to help him understand why it would be right for both of you, and if you can’t, respect him for the love and care he’s putting into his “no”.
You’ve got a great attitude, and your heart is in the right place. Get out of his way and let him make the best of both.