Do you have any advice for someone who’s about to try being free use…

Do you have any advice for someone who’s about to try being free use for the first time?

(submitted by: Anonymous)

I’m always confused by what Tumblr people mean by “free use”. Do you mean “my husband’s friends are coming over and they’ve all got a pass to use me like a crusty sock”, or “when my boyfriend likes what he sees, he yanks down my leggings and plows me without a word”?

If it’s the former: figure out in advance which guy you like the least, and realize he’s definitely the one who will knock you up. Oh, and at least one of them hasn’t bathed today. Enjoy!

If it’s the latter: we used to call that spontaneity. Relax and roll with it until the rolling ain’t fun.