hi! i messaged you a while back about breaking up with my boyfriend but then i ended up always going over his place to cook for him and have sex anyway. thanks for spelling it out for me that he’s an adult and can take care of himself. i blocked his number! haven’t heard from him in days. i feel great!! i’m going to appreciate some me time for a while, then look for a partner who actually values me. thanks so much! you like playing up being mean but you’re very nice
(submitted by: Anonymous)
I’m happy you’ve made a choice you’re proud of making.
To be clear, my answer would have been different if you’d given even the slightest impression that your then-status quo was something you sought, or was at least a foreseeable consequence of the dynamic you actually wanted. I’m all for people building and inhabiting the kinds of fucked-up worlds that make sense to them.
But it’s no good for anyone if you feel —to paraphrase Steve Gerber, who was stealing from A.E. Housman— “trapped in a world you never made”. The kind of obligated, servile, interminable relationship you’ve described is the sort that can only be chosen… you shouldn’t just stumble into it, or have it thrust upon you.
Fate should be a conspiracy.