I gotta think more about the fantasy thing. Two things happened. I told @bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls one of the MOST explicit/shocking ones and he was a little shocked. BED. TIME. STORIES. FOR. BROKEN. GIRLS. a little shocked. So maybe I’m not ready to share that one with the world.
Also one of the others Sonora made come blissfully true and that really distracted me.
Nobody understands that I am but a delicate flower of a man.
Drone shot of abandoned hospital in Leeds, UK. Video in comments! [1564×1564]
I’m going to buy this and run a free/low cost clinic out of one wing. @bedtimestoriesforbrokengirls is going to do some free psych work in the other wing.
How convenient, since “free” is exactly the kind I’m qualified to provide!
Out of curiosity, what is management’s position on hosing down patients like in a 19th century asylum?
[TRIGGER WARNING: Avert your eyes while I write awful things.]
I keep seeing posts asserting that a woman is a marginal substitute for a cooch-in-a-can, and while I understand the sentiment, I think it’s worth remembering that —in reality— women are far more versatile than any silicone snatch squeezed into a plastic travel mug.
Fleshlights don’t cry.
A Fleshlight won’t blush when you spit on it and call it a whore.
Fleshlights don’t beg.
A Fleshlight won’t try to run away, trip on the panties tangled around its ankles, and fall hilariously face-first to the floor.
A Fleshlight can’t apologize for making you do horrible things to it.
A Fleshlight never bothers to clean itself up after your friends use it.
A Fleshlight made me a sandwich once, and let me tell you, it had this terrible, rubbery after-taste. No bueno.
Giving your drug dealer fifteen minutes alone with your Fleshlight won’t net you more than a contact high.
Taking your Fleshlight to your 20th high school reunion turns out to only be about half as cool as you’d expect.
If you take a Fleshlight to a club and try to grind on it during an extended remix of Lil Jon’s Get Low, there’s an excellent chance you’ll be asked to leave. (Don’t ask. I just know.)
Maybe I’m alone in this, but I feel it’s important to pause once in a while and recognize all the amazing things that chicks bring to our lives. It just feels like the right thing to do.
Our flights are going to turn this into one seriously pricey meal, greedy.
With that said, I’m all in favor of an Algonquin Round Table of Weird Girls encouraging me to ramble.
And believe me when I tell you, there will be a lot of rambling. Dinner will be over before I get to the end of the first anecdote.
um i believe this is called A Cult like do we all have 2 wear burlap sacks or white robes? when he says anecdote he means indoctrination
ummm yes hello can I come please 👋🏼
This sounds delightful
Don’t listen to the brat-person: she’s just angling for a new wardrobe. The dinner would really be the inaugural meeting of Helping Oppressed Ladies Eventually Succeed, and I would simply be the guest speaker. (Ignore the girl under the table, clinging to my leg.)
Personally, I’d enjoy the after-dinner walking tour of Places Bratty Got Punched In The Face That One Time While Drunk.
@domestic–doll : You can come, of course. After the walking tour, we can go to a movie and make all the short people sit in the row behind us.
@flashytitle: Your presence would be welcome, but you must promise to be on my side. Because frankly, I suspect Bratty and Greedy only like this idea because they want to turn my speaking engagement into a roast.
Hi! No cuz I’m just a different kinda doll! Like there’s polly pocket who’s tiny n cute but there’s also Barbie who’s like all leggy + pretty so I feel just as dolly-ish as someone who’s 5ft 👧🏻
Girafficorns are leggy and pretty, and unlike Barbie, are fully poseable.
Dear big-eyed girls: stop taunting me with your giant orbs.
That’s right, keep it up. You think you can get away with your oppressive, Disney-like gaze, distracting me from normal activities like not walking into doors! You just keep on laughing, you eyelash-fluttering fascists!
But know this, delicate demons! One day, we the ensorceled shall rise up, and yea, we shall smite you upon your fleshy bits, and verily, the glory of heaven shall be brought low unto the earth. (And maybe even kicked around a little.)
