how old are you | Bedtime Stories for Broken Girls

The Real World Homecoming

So MTV has semi-accidentally made Important Television in the 21st century. I did not see that coming.

Just as the original 1992 installment should have been an escapist trifle about cute twentysomethings sharing a New York loft and fighting over who’s not doing dishes, the 2021 show should have been a relatively sedate circle-jerk of fiftysomethings —my generation is looking old as fuck, y’all— congratulating themselves for being pioneers and showing off their various personal achievements. … Read the rest “The Real World Homecoming”

Picked The Wrong Side

Don’t worry, princess… no one will miss you. You’re supposed to be backpacking across Europe before college, right? Only this way, you’re earning me money instead of bleeding me dry!

Oh, stop giving me that look! If you didn’t want to be sold to one of Daddy’s “business partners”, then maybe you shouldn’t have told your mother what Daddy was doing with the au pair in the basement.… Read the rest “Picked The Wrong Side”

Hi, this is the anon from a bit ago who asked how I could help my husband become more comfortable with my degradation kink!

I’m sure it won’t surprise you one bit to hear that you were right, I was the problem. After a mundane “life stuff” argument that got emotions running high, I took the opportunity to lay out just how pathetic and depraved I am.

… Read the rest

Into The Woods

Here’s how you properly take a whore into the woods:

Go at night, dusk at the earliest. Also, stick to springtime; you want lots of forest noises.
Strip your bitch down, tie her to the tree, and blindfold her.
Tell her you’re going back to the car for something, or you’re just bored with her and want a nap.

… Read the rest

Hi. My Daddy knows that male shouting is very scary & sometimes triggering for me…

…due to my past experiences of shouting leading to a beating. We have had this discussion previously as he has shouted at me twice previously. So last night he shouted at me (for the third time in our 2 year relationship), when I laughingly said no to turning on the lamp.

… Read the rest

Cherry & I Care A Lot

Cherry is incredibly well-acted and beautifully made… it’s unfortunate that its alternate title could be 500 Days of Full Metal Jacket. Both the Russos and Tom Holland have now ably demonstrated their range, and someday I hope they collaborate on a movie that isn’t a retread with an unearned ending.… Read the rest “Cherry & I Care A Lot”

Loooove Anna Nicole Smith!

My tastes have evolved over the decades, but in the early ‘90s, when she was the queen of “this is an ad for jeans but ironically there are no jeans in the ad”, I thought she was near-perfect.

It’s weird to remember she was older than me, too.… Read the rest “Loooove Anna Nicole Smith!”

The New Mutants

So, wait… that is the Marvel movie that Fox re-shot and buried for a year? Say what now?

The New Mutants is far from great; the casting is flawed in places, they tried to stir a couple incongruous romances into the mix, two-fifths of the cast are superheroically superfluous, and it’s probably impossible to really know what’s happening if you’re not watching it with a moldering old man who bought the first 75 issues of the comic off a spinner rack in the ‘80s.… Read the rest “The New Mutants”

This was my first camera, part of Kodak’s ill-fated attempt to clone Polaroid’s self-developing film. They were sued for a fortune and lost… ended up having to send everyone rebates when they took the cameras off the market.

The funny thing was how lame the competition really was.… Read the rest “”

Forget the stupid whore with her tongue in your asshole… for fuck’s sake dude, look at the wallpaper! The only thing holding it in place at this point is a thin lacquer of piss and particulate shame, and your face can’t be more than a couple inches from it!… Read the rest “”