I’m the girl with the boyfriend who was debating cheating. I literally read your response the night I got home from doing it. I feel horrible but I feel most horrible that I would do it again. I’m not because I know it’s wrong but I want to. What is wrong with me? I feel like a monster. Do I tell my boyfriend? Do I just forget it and pretend it never happened? Please tell me what to do. I’m so sorry.
(submitted by: Anonymous)
Thoughts:
- Is what you did with your ex a vital part of your sexuality? If it is, you’re not doing anyone a favor by trying to bury it and pretend that the hunger doesn’t exist. The lies you tell yourself are even more damaging than the ones you tell others… you can’t learn from something you’re trying to forget.
- In your narrative, you seem to be “horrible” and “wrong” a lot. Have you considered that maybe you’re not horrible… maybe you’re just different? And maybe your fundamental sexual and romantic drives can be “right”, even on those occasions when your repression and impulsivity have rendered your behavior “wrong”?
- If you don’t want to hurt him with the truth, hey, that’s noble! But it also means you need to break up with him. That’s the basic deal here: you can keep him but confess your trespass, or you can lose him and hold your tongue. You don’t get to turn your fuck-up into a win for you… if you want to keep him, you’d better earn it, and he’d better be worth it.
- You’re a kinky closet-case, not a monster.